


The Drowsy Chaperones

by Kendrick_Harlow



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, But I love to hate him anyways, Deceit Sanders Acting Terrible, Gen, Insomnia, Sleep is a diva
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-13 00:41:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14738864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kendrick_Harlow/pseuds/Kendrick_Harlow
Summary: A moment later, Logan stumbled up into view, clothes disheveled and a stray piece of popcorn nesting in his hair. Thomas raised an eyebrow. “New look?”Logan went to straighten his tie, only to realize the physical manifestation of it wasn’t there. Skipping straight to the point, he said, “It would seem Virgil, Sleep, and Deceit have engaged in fisticuffs. Roman and Patton are attempting to resolve the conflict.”





	The Drowsy Chaperones

**Author's Note:**

> I went from having no idea what Sanders Sides was to being an avid fan in 48 hours. All I knew was that it kept popping up on my Pinterest and Tumblr. And now here we are.
> 
> Title is taken from the musical "The Drowsy Chaperone." I've never seen it, but the name fit.
> 
> Sleep character taken from the Sanders Shorts, especially "Must Chose Between the Two." He's not a character in the Sanders Sides videos, but I love his sass anyway. (Really, though, if you're not watching the shorts, you're missing out.)

5 AM sheik looked good on very few people, and the bathroom mirror confirmed that Thomas was not one of those lucky few. The circles under his eyes hung so heavy and dark that, for a split second, he could have sworn Virgil stood across from him rather than his own reflection. Actually, he was surprised Virgil wasn’t here. Or Logan for that matter. His logical side should be reading him the riot act right about now, good sleep being essential for optimal function and all that.

He drifted over to the living room sluggishly. Maybe he should call them out? Figure out what was up? Just because _he_ couldn’t pinpoint any specific problems didn’t mean the Sides couldn’t.

“Hey, guys?” he yawned from the middle of the night-dimmed living room. “Anything you’re trying to tell me here?”

No response.

Well, that was deeply concerning.

“Guys?”

“A little busy right now!” echoed Roman’s disembodied voice. It sounded strained.

A moment later, Logan stumbled up into view, clothes disheveled and a stray piece of popcorn nesting in his hair. Thomas raised an eyebrow. “New look?”

Logan went to straighten his tie, only to realize the physical manifestation of it wasn’t there. Skipping straight to the point, he said, “It would seem Virgil, Sleep, and Deceit have engaged in fisticuffs. Roman and Patton are attempting to resolve the conflict.”

With a series of thuds, three bodies shot into opposing sides of the room. Patton rose gracefully into his own spot, dusting off his hands. With unusual sternness, he demanded, “You three stay put. Do you understand?”

Sleep regained his footing first. “You can’t tell me what to do,” he insisted, immediately beginning to walk off. He collided face-first with the edge of the frame. “Ouch! What _is_ this?” Like a mime, he tried to feel for an opening.

“The Fourth Wall,” replied Patton.

“Aren’t you breaking the Fourth Wall by mentioning the Fourth Wall?” Roman asked, appearing with a hairbrush in hand. He began smoothing down his ruffled appearance.

Patton waved the comment off. “I’m the Dad here, I make the rules. Those are the timeout corners. You’ll be staying there until we’ve finished this production of _Sleepless in_ T _-attle.”_

Roman nodded at the pun in approval. “Good one.”

“Thanks. I’ve been saving it up for _days_.”

“Okay, but seriously,” Thomas interjected, “what’s going on? And why is Slime Time here?”

Deceit grinned with all his teeth. “I have no idea.”

“Falsehood!” shouted Logan. “From what I can gather, you started it.”

“I did no such thing.”

Virgil chewed his thumbnail, but said nothing. Patton’s timeout rule prevented him from ducking out. The most he could do was huddle further back against the stairs and pretend to be invisible. The collective racing pulse of the room boomed at him like a heavy bass.

Logan adjusted his glasses. “Deceit convinced Sleep he wasn’t needed because you had ‘better things to do’ at the moment. Sleep threw a tantrum. Virgil went to confront Deceit, but when Roman brought Sleep back, well…it devolved from there.”

Thomas glanced toward the corner where his anxiety had curled up. “Virge, you okay?”

Virgil nodded, keeping his lips pressed together.

“Oh, yes,” said Deceit, “well isn’t that the truth?”

Virgil glared.

With a roll of his eyes, Sleep drained the rest of the cup he carried. Thomas suspected its contents were _not_ decaf. “Why is no one asking if _I’m_ okay?” Sleep whined, voice raising several octaves. “Virgil _bit_ me!”

Virgil’s hands clenched as the last of his self-control evaporated. When he spoke, his voice reverberated, as if everyone in the room had started shouting at once. “I thought you were Deceit!” he growled, pointing an accusing finger. “He kept switching faces!”

“But _biting?_ ” Sleep asked.

Roman stood up straighter. “Biting is a form of combat,” he defended, albeit waveringly.

Thomas buried his head in his hands. “Let’s just figure this out. I’m exhausted and I have an audition tomorrow. Or later today.”

“Why even bother sleeping, then?” asked Deceit, casually shifting to mimic Virgil. “You should be studying your lines. Unless you want to forget them and look like an idiot.”

Thomas glanced quickly between Deceit and Virgil. The distinction between them faded. He began to forget which was which. Did Virgil usually sit on the stairs or on the kitchen counter? Sitting on things that weren’t chairs was something Virgil did, wasn’t it? The kitchen counter wasn’t a chair, so maybe that was Virgil. A thick haze enveloped his memory.

“Stop confusing Thomas,” Logan insisted. He turned to Thomas, then pointed behind himself toward the staircase. “ _That_ is Virgil. Deceit is taking advantage of your lack of sleep. He knows it’s harder to tell lies apart from the truth when you’re tired.”

Thomas blinked hard and suddenly saw that the Virgil look-alike in the kitchen wore Deceit’s bowler hat. Thomas inched away from him. “So if Deceit says we should stay awake, then we should go to bed. Right?”

“Uh-uh,” said Sleep, waving a finger. “I am _not_ stepping foot back there until I get an apology.”

Roman scoffed. “You can’t _possibly_ think that Deceit is going to apologize to you.”

Deceit’s yellow eye seeped through his disguise. “Is it entirely my fault that you believed me so easily?”

“It does suggest an underlying problem,” Logan admitted. “Sleep, Virgil, perhaps you can come to some kind of compromise?”

“How about _he—”_ Sleep jabbed a finger vehemently in Virgil’s direction “—stops breathing my air.”

“It’s not my fault you walk back out the door the second you see me,” Virgil shout-whispered, hoping to keep his volume at a reasonable level. “You don’t even give me a chance to leave.”

“I can’t work when you’re around, you know that. And then you have the _gall_ to call me at three in the afternoon the next day, begging me to come home.”

Virgil looked to the others for assistance.

“Now, Sleep,” said Patton, “it’s not fair to expect Virgil to get up and go whenever you want. Sometimes, you just have to be patient.”

“Excuse me? Is my name Patience? No, it’s _Sleep._ ”

“Young man, don’t take that tone with me.”

“Meditation!” Logan shouted, the way one might shout _eureka._ Everyone in the room startled at the outburst. Fortunately, that meant they were now listening. Logan continued, “Meditating before bed would give Virgil ample time to get ready for the night. Studies show that turning off all electronics and meditating half an hour before bed greatly improves sleep quality.”

“Why do we need to improve Sleep’s quality?” asked Deceit. His Virgil disguise had fully disintegrated. “He’s perfect just the way he is.”

Everyone blinked incredulously at him.

“That wasn’t even believable,” Roman said.

Patton nodded in agreement. “That settles it, then.”

Sleep rolled his shoulders irritably. “Fine. We can try this…meditation thing. I’ll be back in half an hour.” He sunk out.

That was a step in the right direction, Thomas thought. He turned his attention to Logan. “What next?”

Logan gave him a run-down of common meditation strategies, with Virgil offering the occasional input. Deceit left in a huff after it was clear everyone planned to ignore him. Roman sunk out next, off to prepare for the dream cycle. Towards the twenty-minute mark, Patton popped quietly over to Virgil, offering a calm presence and warm words. Virgil’s eyelids began to droop.

“Alright, kiddo,” Patton said. “Maybe now would be a good time to find some PJs?”

Virgil’s brow furrowed. “I don’t have PJs.”

Gasping in horror, Patton insisted, “We’ll have to fix that, won’t we? You know, I have a _black_ cat onesie…” Patton all but dragged Virgil out of the frame.

At thirty three minutes exactly (because Sleep was never punctual), Logan dropped out to let Sleep push Thomas toward bed. The atmosphere of the mindscape weighed on Logan. He pushed his drowsy muscles to check that everyone had settled in their rooms before heading towards his own. He fell asleep with the comforting sensation of a problem solved.

**Author's Note:**

> Headcannon that Deceit's name is Lyle. For the pun.


End file.
